The Sweetness Side of Me - I think. 

If love is mature, it means it’s a Gift from God. And because I want a mature kind of love, I've been praying for him, my Gift from God. I know he is praying for me too. I was thinking these past years that I can never have this beautiful love story because I have fears of meeting the wrong man which led me to a childish decision last year, but I now realized that if God creates me as a kind and sweet woman in my own way, I must believe that he is longing only for me.

Lately, I was confused about my feelings to someone. I don’t know but he makes me feel something I don’t understand. But I’m pretty much sure, he makes me smile and I think he doesn’t know that. I’m not sure what he feels for me. But I think he is not into me. Well, maybe God is testing me again if I am fully letting Him to write my love story. (I was reading this book "When God Writes Your Love Story" by Eric and Leslie Ludy.) It was tempting to take my pen from God, especially when someone is making me smile like I’m always in front of a camera. It sounds old school, but at the back of my mind I think I deserve to be pursued by a man.

I want my love life to be something inspiring. Like two people, a couple, who are partners in every single thing. Romance and intellectual are two of things I get excited about my love story. I want only a man. A sensible man, loving, supportive, he believes in God, who prays to God, who wants to build his family with me, who has a bit of adventurous gene in his blood like me, he pursues his own dreams, he needs me, respects, and loves me the most, someone who never forsaken me even if things aren’t in good terms, he needs me always and he is not ashamed of that. His loneliness has no place in his heart, his sadness is nothing to his life, and even his insecurities can never destroy his love for me for he only knows I am his everything.  From the start and the end of the day, him and me, together, we will fight and face each challenge in our journey as a partner. Of course, I want what most girls wanted; flowers, chocolates, dates, everything, but most of all, I want only him. Again, I’m an old school, but I want to meet not just my boyfriend, but my husband for the rest of my life.

Okay, yeah, I’m now imagining like a little innocent girl. I wonder what he thinks if he read this. I know, if he is really the one, God will lead him to me. Yeah, it’s all about God’s will. I feel confident with God now when I talk about my love life. I’ve chose someone before as if no man is destined for me but that guy only kind of mentality. It was a childish decision I made in my life to be involved with a guy who would never do something special for me or could never appreciate me in his life. It’s the worst feeling ever when you are not appreciated by someone you’ve given your heart with.

It’s true. God knows best. I know, it’s safe way to do to protect my heart. If that man asked me from God, that man can protect my heart by all of his loving and sweetness he has been saving only for me. Everything he needs is in me, all he wants is me, all his love comes with me, and big time, he prays for me, thinks about me, and always excited to be near me.

He is and will always the best ever for me.